I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
