apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
