then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
