butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize