I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
