It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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