Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
