wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
