glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
