.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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