I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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