I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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