1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
