I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize