In the future we'll all be gay
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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