So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
