Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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