Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
