I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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