Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize