I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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