Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Houston, we have a blender
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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