when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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