He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
