when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
