Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
