i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
