she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
