It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
