its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize