so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
