Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
True college students do jello shots in the library
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