Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
