i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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