Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
