some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
