what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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