Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
