I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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