she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
