I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
