My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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