you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
