do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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