how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
