We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
