I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
