I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize