Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
