i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize