Just cropdusted the office
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
