So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
