took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
