just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
