so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
