words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
