Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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