is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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