She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
