They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
