We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wannas sexs uuuuu
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
