Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
