i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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