I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
