just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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