You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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