So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
