Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
