i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
