just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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