umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
