At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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