there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
