I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
