i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
