You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize