Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
