what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
