i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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