Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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