Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
