Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
