His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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