The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize