at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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