I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
