There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
