you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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