i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
