hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize