Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bring me that man meat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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