Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize