After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
