Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
