I just threw up on my dentist
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
