i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
